Things that make me sad

Everyday I open up this blog, and then I hit "new post" and proceed to stare at a blank screen for about 15 min before finally closing the window. I have not had much to say these days. I have been doing great! Really moving on and trying not to let things make me sad. But some days...it's still hard. And today...just turned into one of those hard days.

One of the main things that make me sad these days are reading posts on the LA Nest message board. I graduated to the nest from the knot after getting married. I was starting to make an effort to become a regular poster, and then we got pregnant. So much of the talk on the nest is about babies and pregnancy, but I held back. I didn't want to say anything till we had our ultrasound. Well, we all know how that turned out. I also really didn't want to tell the girls on the nest about being P because so many of them have had and are stilling dealing with fertility issues. At first I felt sorta bad for getting pregnant on the first try. Especially when I never even mentioned to the nest that we were trying.

Where am I going with this? Recently, a few of the ladies on the nest who had problems conceiving....are now pregnant. It is the worst bitter sweet feeling in the world. i have secretly been rooting for these girls to get lucky and become pregnant. And now....i'm jealous! I think to myself - i lose my baby and these girls finally get pregnant! I KNOW - i can't think this way and need to stop, but this is my venting space so deal with it. I so bad want to be happy for them, but it's so hard. I now know. These girls must've felt this same way every time some one else announced their pregnancy. It's effing hard. But after this little moment here....i'm moving on.

Some other things that still make me sad:

- 3/26/08: our estimated due date
- women with small baby bumps - woulda been me.
- my prenatal vitamins - i stopped taking them and tend to stare at the bottle in the kitchen.
- GAP product (RED) baby onesie - we were gonna buythe Delive(red) onesie. Or buy them all.
- stupid celebrities getting pregnant
- pregnancy test commercials

Those are just some things. I know it'll go away [i hope] and soon enough we'll have something happy to look forward to, but it still sucks. Everyday...it sucks.

Now I wanna give a shout-out to nestie nickoletta100. After trying to concieve for 18 months, she is finally pregnant! I was so happy to read this today [haven't been on the nest lately]. I have read her baby making blog in the past, and she should come as an inspiration to many ladies out there struggling with fertility issues. Check her out at Baby Twiglet [formerly known as "Making Twiglet"]. Congrats!