1st Baby Dream

Before I answer that work call - let me share my dream from last night [or early this morning].

It's my first baby dream since this crazy ride began. I dreamed we had just brought home our baby girl! The dream was so vivid. I remember every detail of our baby's face. She had the most beautiful, lightest blue/green eyes [which could be possible]. Of course this was a dream so it wasn't all happiness. We were so excited the first night she was home I forgot to feed her! It wasn't till the next day when she was crying inconsolable that I realized I hadn't fed her. So I began to breast feed her which calmed her down immediately. She then fell asleep in my arms and it was the most amazing feeling. I just starred at her while she slept.

I woke up on such a high. I was so freakin happy and giddy. I started rubbing my belly and telling my baby I wanted it to stick because I really really couldn't wait to meet her. I am now convinced we're having a girl. The Chinese lunar calendar predicts a girl too. I woke up G and told him my dream and he just smiled and gave a chuckle. I don't think he really woke up.

This whole finding out you're pregnant business is sorta crazy and at first you're not really sure what to think. Especially when you weren't exactly "trying." But now I know this is so right and I can't wait to have this baby. However, the fear of a miscarriage is more present now than ever.
After I woke up [4am] I felt my stomach start to growl. This is the 2nd night/morning I wake up starving at 4am. I haven't giving in and I refuse to get up and eat. But I think I'm gonna have to give in soon. Have some toast or something. That is....if morning sickness doesn't get the best of me first. :(

It ain't easy being queasy

I'm queasy. Don't really feel like barfing just yet, but definitely have that fullness in the throat sick feeling where I have to keep swallowing a lot. As long as I don't feel extra saliva building up I think I'm ok. This is sucks. I was really hoping I would be one of those few lucky women that al other pregnant women hate because they don't get sick. Dang it. I knew it was too much to ask for when my mother told me she was sick for all 9 months with me.

Today I'm at 6 weeks. This means that I'm right on schedule to get morning [aka all day] sickness. I was so fine and then I had some apple juice that really filled me up. Then I had half of an onion bagel and some decaf coffee and I think that did me in. I think I should stop the coffee since the acidity could be affecting my tummy. I <3 you coffee! I never want to let you go.

I also really didn't want to start m/s [morning sickness] before our Seattle trip. Now that would SUCK.

Work calls...better answer.

Sick sad little world

I just felt sick for the first time. I literally almost threw up reading this news story about a woman who kept getting pregnant and killing her babies. Most not even carried to full-term. SICK....sick sick sick....

Read the story here.

So many worries...

G & I spent the better part of yesterday obsessing about the future and becoming crazy worry rats. It's incredible how soon you begin to worry about a teeny being that you have yet to even see in an ultrasound. I worry every second of the day. Wondering if ET has a heartbeat as the books say it should, whether my cramps are normal, or the light spotting is normal. It's scary stuff! You become attached to this new being growing inside of you from the first minute you find out you're pregnant. And this is only the beginning of so much more worrying to come. A lifetime of worrying to be exact.

Emotions over took the better part of me last night and I almost broke down crying thinking about how much parents [mine to be exact] can love a little ET and how much worrying they do. I thought about my mom and how exciting it must have been for her to be pregnant with me and to have me - the first child. How much worrying she must have done, and then I cry when I think of what an ungrateful little brat I was for most of my teenage years. Don't get me wrong, I was a good kid, but boy did I have a mouth and I knew how to use it. This is empathy.....empathy for my parents and all they went through. I suppose this is the only time you can feel that. I wish I could tell my mom, but I have grown up with little to no communication with my mother. We talk about the obvious stuff, but not the emotional real life stuff. Typical Mexican parent I suppose. Something that made me vow never to be this way with my own children. So mom, you'll never read this, but I'm sorry for being a little shit after all the worrying and love you gave to me. And thank you for putting up with me and loving me in your own way all these years.

Oh no.....the water works are starting.

In Awe

Realizing today that our ET in now officially an embryo and has a beating heart! ET has a heart! Holy cow that's amazing. Apparently, since there's a heart the body will stop developing a bit and the brain will now be the focus. The brain is needed to help control the heart and blood pumping to all the right places. CRAZYNESS! I think I will pretty much be amazed throughout the entire 9 months....or the 8 that are left.


Oh yeah - and I'm still super bloated after I eat and can't have my pants buttoned anymore. The only time they button is when I first wake up. Can't wait to go home and put something more comfortable on!

And our little club of people who "know" continues to grow. We are soooo not going to be able to keep our mouths shut through the first trimester. oh well...

Bloating

Ugh! I've been so bloated the last 2 days! I feel like I'm gonna burst. It's like when my cousin Cat hasn't taken a dump in a few days and she gets all super bloated where her pants are tight....yeah...that's how I feel. My pants are super tight [but i have been crapping so it sucks more]. I have been wearing my loose pants everyday. And by the end of the day I can't even leave them buttoned when I sit. Yesterday I had to kept them unbuttoned at work when I was sitting! I can only imagine what's gonna happen. I already feel like such an ogre. I know I gained a few pounds already. Must be the not watching carbs and too much napping not enough walking [and no more soccer....so sad]. Gotta take control of that. I don't want to gain 50 lbs and then be fucked at the end. Plus, I'm too small to carry an extra 50 lbs. But I guess I won't have a problem with the napping part. I seem to have lost my sleeping bug. I seem to sleep really good for about 4 hours at night and then the rest of the time is spent tossing and turning and staring at the clock. Sucks. And I have been going to sleep late and not napping. I hear this happens though. Then the sleepiness returns. Guess I better take advantage and get some stuff done before I have no energy again.

ET

When is ET gonna grow a face? Or at least outgrow that tail? Can't wait to open this page up and find that I am no longer housing something that resembles an alien. At least ET had a head.

Last night, G and I were thinking about all the dumb asses out there that have no idea that they're pregnant until they end up give birth in the an airplane bathroom or something, and we just don't get it. I am mean I am only 5 weeks along and there are already obvious changes happening. Something even G notices. I feel so much going on that how can you not know. I mean it's not like I can feel an actual human being growing yet, but things feel different around the area of my uterus. The cramping has subsided for the time being, but there are just days when things feel different. Maybe I'm just really in tune with my body and really looking out for things since I know, but still. I don't buy it. There is just too much going on to not know for 9 fucking months that you are not pregnant. Of course, if I wasn't expecting it at first I would automatically assume I was becoming ill [ala my cuz C]. I totally understand that. But to really have absofuckinglutely no clue for 40 weeks! No way. What happens when the kid gets the hiccups? Or starts doing cartwheels? I mean seriously....what goes through these women/girls minds when they feel that? "Must've been that bean burrito I had for lunch." Seriously? What about labor pains? "Dang, feels like that burrito is really ready to come out. I should go take a dump." For the love of all things shiny!

Discoveries & Changes

It seems that for the time being my posts are going to consist of new discoveries and changes I am experiencing. Since I know nothing else! Here is a list of some "new" discoveries and changes that occurred over the weekend.

• Black Poo - yes, my poo is almost black. Good thing I just read that this could happen with all the iron in the prenatal vitamins or else I would have been flipping out!
• Leg cramps - something else I have read is common in pregnant women. I was afraid of this since I have got cramps in my calves quite frequently in the past. On Saturday, we were at a wedding and I almost got a cramp 3 times! Scary. I bet my heels and the cold didn't help. But I was staying hydrated. I have also been waking up to an almost pull in the middle of the night when I stretch. So scary. I hate leg cramps.
  
• Muscle Pulling? - I keep feeling maybe a muscle just over my left pelvis that sort-a feels like it's pulling. I feel it when I turn certain ways and I suddenly become afraid that its a cramp in my uterus and ET is growing in my fallopian tube. I know I'm just paranoid. But it feels weird. Sometimes it hurts and it lasts a good 10 second and then goes away. Weird.
• I've been sleeping like a corpse. I can pass out anywhere now and not feel a thing! It's crazy! And I still wake up tired. These days I also can't seem to make it past 9pm. And that's pushing. Friday into Saturday I slept a good 13 hours and still was struggling to stay awake at a wedding at 10:30pm. As soon as I got in the car I was out until our exit.
• Cheeseburger - I saw a Wendy's commercial last night for their something bacon cheeseburger and ever since then I really really want a cheeseburger. Like just cheese, meat, and bun. I even told G half asleep last night that I still wanted a cheeseburger. Seems to me it's gonna be tough to convince this man to go out and get me anything. I'm sure he thinks it's all in my head at this point since it's so early in the game, but dammit I really want a cheeseburger! Maybe I shouldn't have said I didn't want to eat fast food when pregnant. Oh well...

In other news, I bought the Week by Week book everyone raves about and G can't put it down! He was reading that last night while I read The Girlfriend's Guide to Pregnancy and we watched Extreme Home Makeover. He is absolutely amazed at how many changes my body is going through. It's cute....I <3 him. At this point I am also counting down the days until I get the dreaded morning sickness. I know it's my inevitable future. My mom was telling me she had it ALL NINE MONTHS with me! That is freakin insanity. I'm so scared. My sister says she got it in her 3rd month. A little better but still scary. We'll see I guess. Oh yeah - my parentals know now. I had to tell them Friday. I couldn't resist. My mom freaks out every time she thinks I'm sick and I couldn't keep lying to her. So we broke the news when we headed over to their house for dinner. They were so surprised. I told them they were going to grandparents again and I started to cry and then my dad hugged me and he teared up big time! [now I'm tearing up again just thinking about it] It was great. They were totally happy. We told them they couldn't tell anyone yet since we haven't even seen the doctor yet. Our first apt. is on Aug. 14th and maybe then we'll start spreading the news to more family. I'm sure my mom will not be able to contain herself. I predict she'll tell at least 3 other people. Also, my mom did take the opportunity to say she wishes we would have been a bit more "stable" before starting a family. That crazy lady still think we're gonna become rich. Sad little eyes she sees the world through. But that's my mother!

Oh yeah - and brother's reaction after I told him he would be an uncle again, "Who? You guys? Ha!" Totally gave us that "sucks to be you" laugh....yeah....that's my little brother I love too. My cousin J was also there a happened to overhear. So now she knows too. I know we can count on her to keep her mouth shut. Man this is tough! I don't think we'll make it till 8/14 to tell more people!

Since the BFP....

So what's been going on in the meantime? You mean symptoms? Honesty, aside from the mild cramping and some bloating, absolutely nada! I feel nothing else. But random shit does come up.

Random Incident #1
I want spicy food. Everything that I eat in turn must be spicy. And if it isn't then I must add something spicy. It all tastes sooooooo much better! This just began yesterday. It's strangely odd to me since I hadn't been eating much in terms of chile.

Random Incident #2
I get home and pass out on the bed. Like it literally take me all 5 seconds to fall into a deep sleep that lasts at least 2 hours. I am getting tired. I feel it. At night it also takes me a few seconds to pass out. I was the one that was always envious of those who could fall asleep fast while I laid in bed tossing & turning for a good 30 minutes. Today after lunch I though my face was gonna hit my keyboard. It seems to come in waves. I'll be driving home and suddenly I can't even find the strength to keep pushing the gas pedal. It's quite strange.

Random Incident #3
Finally got my first bout of moodiness. I left work at almost 5pm in a semi-not-so-happy-mood. I called G to ask what was for dinner, and got even more moody when he said leftovers [he had to go to soccer soon so he didn't cook]. I finally get home, pull in to our back parking lot and find that some asshole has once again parked his car in a diagonal with the fucking emergency lights blinking and blocking my parking space! I fucking hate this! Like if there wasn't any street parking! UGH! I waited for about 10 mins, repeatedly honking my horn hoping the jerk would take a hint and nada. No one ever came. Except our nice neighbor who let me park in their space in the meantime. So this whole time I was on the phone with G and I was in such a rage because he had no power over the situation. I got out of my car and didn't even look at him. Just walked on by. In all my rage I got the mail flipped through it. Found a card from my sister that made me cry [more on the crying in a bit]. Got so mad I cried that I went to the bedroom put on my PJ's and went to slept. Later that night I apologized to my hubby for being so psychotic and like a good husband and daddy-to-be he sympathetically told me not to worry, that he knew I needed to be angry sometimes and that I also needed my space when I got home. I <3 G! Amazing how all of a sudden he's so understanding and not just asking what the fuck is wrong with me.

Random Incident #4
Food. Something happened to my taste buds last night. Breakfast was sorta bland, but I didn't think twice when lunch tasted great! But then dinner....now that was a bad experience. Since G was having leftovers I did to. I heated up some bbq chicken and rice-a-roni. Nothing tasted right. I was bland and had a weird almost flavor. I could not for the life of me figure out what new flavor of rice-a-roni G must have used. Later that night he confirmed it was plain ole chicken. I swear it didn't taste like chicken. I threw my food away. I think got some left over pasta with meat sauce that once again did not taste like it should have. So I decided to load that one up with the asian red chili sauce which made it edible. It's scary when your the only one who can't taste the food. Later that night I cautiously had some lucky charms to get another calcium serving, and thank the good lord jesus that tasted look delicious lucky charms. My taste buds are back.

Random Incident #4
So not only did I start bawling with the congratulations card my sister sent us, but today I have been an emotional mess. I want to cry with everything! I was thinking about telling my mom today and I teared up. I read some ideas on how to tell your dad and started crying. My sister tells me in a text how she's so excited about us now bonding as mother's and I teared up. I told G what my sister said and started to cry. Yeah.....this is gonna be tough.


SIDE NOTE:
So far only the Fab 4 know about us being preggers. By the time this blog is made public there will be many more members, but as of now the Fab 4 are made up of myself, G, my sister, and my fab friend A. The first 2 are a given. My sister....well thats a given too. And A, she's been right there with me for the last almost year. She's my support system in the marriage world we got ourselves into. Without her I might be recently divorced. I tell her everything and vice-versa. She probably even knew I was preggers before I did. ;o)

Enough mushy stuff cause I'm tearing up again.

BFP!

Since I'm posting this 3 days after my BFP it's still a bit fresh and sureal. Not sure where to start, what to say, what not to say. But as an introduction, I do wanna say that I have started this blog [like so many other P women] to document this new crazy ass adventure G & I are about to embark on. Confused by my acronyms yet? Just wait...

On Tuesday, July 17th, I decided to take an HPT [home pregnancy test]. The hubs and I weren't exactly "trying" but we weren't exactly "not trying" either. So, since we had been humping like rabbits in the last month with absolutely no protection, I decided to test [I waited until the day AF (aunt flo) was suppose to show up]. Something was already up that led me to test. I had been spotting for 4 days straight and had mild cramps for about a week already [very unlike me], and my boobs hurt like hell! TMI - my nipples also hurt like a mo'fo. So I took a digital test, wrapped it in toilet paper, set it on the counter and began my day. I brushed my teeth [gagged a little], combed my hair and then notice the tissue had come undone. I look down at the test and there it was......PREGNANT.....O.....M......G.....I stared at the test for a good 5 minutes continuously saying "omg."

Even though I had an inkling that this would be the outcome I was still totally shocked to see it come up. I mean it only took like less than 2 min. to show up. I grabbed the test and ran into our bedroom, jumped on our bed and scared the crap outta G. I waited a few seconds for him to gain contentiousness and then held the test in front of his face. He then looked at it confused for about 20 seconds. Looked at me.....looked at the stick....looked at me....asked if he was dreaming....looked at the stick.....i started bawling! He knew it was real. Yeah I cried for a bit and he's just in shock. He wanted me to go out and buy more tests...lol. We joked that at least he wasn't shooting blanks and how crazy it was it happened on the first not so real "try." After about 15 min. of laying in bed in a daze he asks, "so what's next?" "So much!" I replied.

SUREAL! Nothing prepares you for moments like that. So here I am. 3 days after my BFP [Big Fat Positive]. That same day I paid a visit to my doc's nurse who promptly made me pee in a cup and got nothing. He had me take a test home to use early the next morning. You see....morning pee is the best. It's not diluted yet and the pregnancy hormone is more likely to show up on a test. Sure enough there were 2 lines the next morning. Another visit to the nurse to prove it and I was off with many congrats and a an appointment with a new OB. Coincidently the OB I chose delivered my niece, so I know we're in good hands.

The sad/hard part is that our first appointment isn't until August 14th. That's a long ass time to wait. What the fuck are we suppose to do until then? Buy a million books to edumakate ourselves? Plus, we have a Seattle trip in 2 weeks and I'm suddenly afraid to leave my home. I feel like I should be on bedrest until we hear a heart beat and get confirmation. I just don't trust pee I guess. G is having a hard time believing it too. But I guess it's real. Still no AF. Boobies still hurt like a mo'fo.

So allow me to recap and say that this was NOT planned. But we could not be any more ecstatic about it. Almost 8 months into our marriage, but this is not what we had planned for the first year. But most of you reading this that know us also know that G has wanted kids since we were dating. So really, you shouldn't be that surprised. In the last 2 months I had really been worried about pregnancy and wondering if it would be difficult for us since I only have 1 ovary. Well.....we got our answer. My 1 baby is working like a rock star! Popping out eggs in a timely fashion. And G....well....he's happy his little swimmers work! LOL

Now the stats -
How far along? 4 weeks 3 days
EDD [Estimated Delivery Date]: March 26, 2008
Baby's Daddy? Come on now! I'm just busting your chops. [sorry babe....didn't mean to offend you. luv ya!]