G & I spent the better part of yesterday obsessing about the future and becoming crazy worry rats. It's incredible how soon you begin to worry about a teeny being that you have yet to even see in an ultrasound. I worry every second of the day. Wondering if ET has a heartbeat as the books say it should, whether my cramps are normal, or the light spotting is normal. It's scary stuff! You become attached to this new being growing inside of you from the first minute you find out you're pregnant. And this is only the beginning of so much more worrying to come. A lifetime of worrying to be exact.
Emotions over took the better part of me last night and I almost broke down crying thinking about how much parents [mine to be exact] can love a little ET and how much worrying they do. I thought about my mom and how exciting it must have been for her to be pregnant with me and to have me - the first child. How much worrying she must have done, and then I cry when I think of what an ungrateful little brat I was for most of my teenage years. Don't get me wrong, I was a good kid, but boy did I have a mouth and I knew how to use it. This is empathy.....empathy for my parents and all they went through. I suppose this is the only time you can feel that. I wish I could tell my mom, but I have grown up with little to no communication with my mother. We talk about the obvious stuff, but not the emotional real life stuff. Typical Mexican parent I suppose. Something that made me vow never to be this way with my own children. So mom, you'll never read this, but I'm sorry for being a little shit after all the worrying and love you gave to me. And thank you for putting up with me and loving me in your own way all these years.
Oh no.....the water works are starting.
Emotions over took the better part of me last night and I almost broke down crying thinking about how much parents [mine to be exact] can love a little ET and how much worrying they do. I thought about my mom and how exciting it must have been for her to be pregnant with me and to have me - the first child. How much worrying she must have done, and then I cry when I think of what an ungrateful little brat I was for most of my teenage years. Don't get me wrong, I was a good kid, but boy did I have a mouth and I knew how to use it. This is empathy.....empathy for my parents and all they went through. I suppose this is the only time you can feel that. I wish I could tell my mom, but I have grown up with little to no communication with my mother. We talk about the obvious stuff, but not the emotional real life stuff. Typical Mexican parent I suppose. Something that made me vow never to be this way with my own children. So mom, you'll never read this, but I'm sorry for being a little shit after all the worrying and love you gave to me. And thank you for putting up with me and loving me in your own way all these years.
Oh no.....the water works are starting.
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