It's hard being so strong all the time. No matter what happens in life, I try to be strong and have a positive attitude to be able to move on. But sometimes....human nature takes over and the weakness sets in. Sometimes only occupying space for a moment....other times for much more than that. Thankfully I only have "moments." And when those moments hit I allow myself to sulk in the moment. Just for a second...as if to remember how terrible it feels...and how much I don't want to feel that way.
Last night I had one of those moments. Let me first say that I had been feeling great lately [aside from the constant nausea]. I had not worried or over analyzed. I think I owe a lot to that nausea. It is somewhat comforting to have it so bad this time around. I didn't feel sick at all last time. It's like a confirmation that this is and will be a viable pregnancy. Anyway....back to my moment. I notice yesterday that I was going to start spotting. Now, I'm telling myself it's old blood and not to worry. It happens and means nothing most of the time. I know. BUT considering how that didn't turn out so well last time...well...it just sorta got me. I literally got scared at the thought of what could be, once again. So I sulked for a minute and let G hold me and make me feel safe. There's just something about being in the arms of the man you love that comforts you like nothing else. Everything starts to feel ok.
The great thing is that we don't have to wait as long for our first ultrasound. 1 week and 2 days till we see a tiny beating heart. I know we'll see it. I know I'll be nervous wreck that day, but I can't wait.
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Now playing: Norah Jones - The Nearness of You
via FoxyTunes
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