This whole ordeal is really pushing me to my emotional and mental limits. After having a week to come to terms with what is happening and finally accepting our fate, I get a new fucking curve ball thrown at me.
Today was the day I was to hear back from my doc with the blood test results. So I get a call from my doc's nurse - here's how it went.
Nurse: Have you had your final blood test done?
Me: Yes, on Friday. I was only asked to do 2. One Tuesday & one Friday.
Nurse: Oh, ok. Just checking. Well it looks like your hCG levels are going up, so that's good.
Me: What! Uh....that's a suprise.
Nurse: [whispering & shocked] why? is there something wrong?
Me: Um yeah...I had come to terms with the fact that I was most likely miscarrying. I've been spotting for 3 weeks and some of it has been red.
Nurse: Oh...well...lemme check your numbers again.
Nurse: Yup, they're going up. You went from 2902 to 3230.
Me: Really....well that's not a big change, but I can't believe it's going up.
Nurse: It's definitely a good sign, but I don't want to say much more as I'd rather have the doctor see this first. I wouldn't want to get your hopes up.
Me: No worries. I totally understand. So when can I expect this call?
Nurse: She'll be in later today.
Me: Thanks, bye.
I proceed to take many deep breaths while screaming "Oh.my.fucking.gawd" [i'm sorry if you're offended but i use profanities like this quite often - AND thanked GAWD my boss is on vacation and I can use such language]. At this point I'm shaking and the only thing I can think of is the wine bottle I polished off on Friday. Did I jump the gun on this one? But I was so sure it was over! Holy mother of all things green, I now wait for the doc's call. My guess is i'll be sent in for another blood test to see the rise. Hopefully another ultrasound to check for changes.
You cyber peoples don't even know what this is doing to me.
Can I share another piece of info. I was pretty upset yesterday [although I didn't show it or even mention it to G]. I had had my 2nd baby dream. I was so upset because thats the last thing I wanted to be dreaming. But the baby was only a little bigger than the last dream and looked exactly the same. And again it was a girl. This was so emotionally upsetting, but now that I think about it. Could my own body be sending me subliminal messages? I felt pretty shitty last night. Literally. I've been pooping like crazy, and most of the time it's not "normal." TMI - pretty loose stools. And the wierd part is that my stomach doesn't hurt. I hurt lower in my abdomen. Then I got super bloated like I had been feeling before our Seattle trip. I woke up today just as bloated if not worse. Which made me think twice since i hadn't felt this way in since we got back from Seattle [which was when I "knew" something was wrong].
***************
Speaking of the devil [as the saying goes]...
Nurse just called and asked that I have another blood test done to check my levels. Hopefully they'll have the results tomorrow, and then they'll have me go in on Thursday.
I can't even think straight anymore. I'm going right now to do this blood test.
Today was the day I was to hear back from my doc with the blood test results. So I get a call from my doc's nurse - here's how it went.
Nurse: Have you had your final blood test done?
Me: Yes, on Friday. I was only asked to do 2. One Tuesday & one Friday.
Nurse: Oh, ok. Just checking. Well it looks like your hCG levels are going up, so that's good.
Me: What! Uh....that's a suprise.
Nurse: [whispering & shocked] why? is there something wrong?
Me: Um yeah...I had come to terms with the fact that I was most likely miscarrying. I've been spotting for 3 weeks and some of it has been red.
Nurse: Oh...well...lemme check your numbers again.
Nurse: Yup, they're going up. You went from 2902 to 3230.
Me: Really....well that's not a big change, but I can't believe it's going up.
Nurse: It's definitely a good sign, but I don't want to say much more as I'd rather have the doctor see this first. I wouldn't want to get your hopes up.
Me: No worries. I totally understand. So when can I expect this call?
Nurse: She'll be in later today.
Me: Thanks, bye.
I proceed to take many deep breaths while screaming "Oh.my.fucking.gawd" [i'm sorry if you're offended but i use profanities like this quite often - AND thanked GAWD my boss is on vacation and I can use such language]. At this point I'm shaking and the only thing I can think of is the wine bottle I polished off on Friday. Did I jump the gun on this one? But I was so sure it was over! Holy mother of all things green, I now wait for the doc's call. My guess is i'll be sent in for another blood test to see the rise. Hopefully another ultrasound to check for changes.
You cyber peoples don't even know what this is doing to me.
Can I share another piece of info. I was pretty upset yesterday [although I didn't show it or even mention it to G]. I had had my 2nd baby dream. I was so upset because thats the last thing I wanted to be dreaming. But the baby was only a little bigger than the last dream and looked exactly the same. And again it was a girl. This was so emotionally upsetting, but now that I think about it. Could my own body be sending me subliminal messages? I felt pretty shitty last night. Literally. I've been pooping like crazy, and most of the time it's not "normal." TMI - pretty loose stools. And the wierd part is that my stomach doesn't hurt. I hurt lower in my abdomen. Then I got super bloated like I had been feeling before our Seattle trip. I woke up today just as bloated if not worse. Which made me think twice since i hadn't felt this way in since we got back from Seattle [which was when I "knew" something was wrong].
***************
Speaking of the devil [as the saying goes]...
Nurse just called and asked that I have another blood test done to check my levels. Hopefully they'll have the results tomorrow, and then they'll have me go in on Thursday.
I can't even think straight anymore. I'm going right now to do this blood test.
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