And then there were two....

Yesterday I found out I miscarried. :( It was our first appt. at what should have been 8 weeks but an ultrasound found nothing. Just an empty sack that probably stop trying to make a baby at 5 weeks. I suppose the medical term for this is a "missed miscarriage" or "blighted ovum."

At this point I'm fine. Like for reals, I am already moving on. I had a good cry with G last night. We both allowed ourselves to be sad for 1 day [i'm sure we'll need more days]. But we both understand that things like this happen and it means nothing more than what it is. I guess I'm more in shock than anything. Still feel numb and not sure how to feel. Sadness just hits me all of a sudden. It's amazing how fast one gets attached to what you think is baby growing inside of you. It wasn't planned but we were both so happy. Especially G who wants kids so bad. My motherly instincts seriously kicked in when I saw that positive pregnancy test. So it still feels like I've lost something close.

Crazy part is that I've had that bad gut feeling for over a week [before leaving to Seattle]. At some point I just really started to feel different and started worrying [secretly]. By this weekend I knew something wasn't right. So when the ultrasound showed nothing I showed nothing. No emotion, just a strong agreeing with the doctor that there was still hope. But I know its over. She said I could have just ovulated late and i'm actually 5 weeks rather than 8 weeks. But that is so unlikely considering i wasn't on birth control and have been regular [to the day and sometimes hour] for over 2 years. So this process is being dragged out. I was sent in for blood testing yesterday to start checking if my hormone levels are doubling as they should in a healthy pregnancy. I do another test on Friday to compare and then just wait for the call. I hate waiting. It was hard enough waiting 8 weeks [really a month] for our first appt. The other sucky part was having the nurse and doctor ask if I even felt pregnant. OF COURSE DUMB ASS! I feel "different" but still totally pregnant! My boobs still hurt, my bladder still fills up in minutes, the muscles in my uterus still stretch and hurt and I'm still hungry 24/7!!

That's I'll i got for now. I've been talking some much with G that I literally cannot type everything that I feel right now. Too much.